i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
pop tarts are not kleenex
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
