I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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