And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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