i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
