If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
