Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
