his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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