every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
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