Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
there's paper in my vomit.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
