party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
i may or may not be watching the land before time
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Randomize
