every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Randomize
