I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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