Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
