All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
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