I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Randomize
