Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Randomize
