Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
