The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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