Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
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