I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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