I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I am available for nakedness
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Randomize
