i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
