Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
