I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Randomize
