So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
how do flat chested girls get laid?
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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