I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
