is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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