I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
