but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
