i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Randomize
