are you still at the devil's house?
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
