you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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