jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Randomize
