Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Randomize
