Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
