My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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