I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
