I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Randomize
