Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
