She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Randomize
