I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
