I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
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