I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Randomize
