I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
