i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Randomize
