Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
