I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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