I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
