Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
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