im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
this just has baby written all over it
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Randomize
